Even nothing, is something

It's been a while since I've posted something..mainly because I didn't have anything to say...now I've finally got something to say...I am
not stressed but I do feel like I'm being pushed into a corner. Not by people per say but by things. The amount of things that a person has to do in their life is astonishing. Even when one doesn't have a job, and just goes to school, you're bombarded with events, studies, exams, projects, then there's family dinners, birthdays, concerts and all the other stuff that you love to do on the side..

Now let's take someone who only works onefull time job and comes home to supper already made and the house already cleaned. If you have kids you have to be patient with them when you come home, you have bills, debt, events, birthdays, groceries, and much much more.

There's one thing in all of this that I wish I could have...a time to just sit and stare at the wall with the one I love. Honest to god....that is my one thing I would love to do if I could for at least a couple minutes in my days is to just sit and stare at the wall with him or lay down and stare at the ceiling with him and just enjoy each other's company.

I find that really relaxing...and somewhat calming but of course..that's not
productive. It's nothing....but sometimes....with all the something's going on in your life....you end up appreciating the mornings a little
more. This was something I didn't see before and now
i do.

Now I know why they mean when they say even nothing..is something

Money

My life has as of recent has been a roller coaster of emotions mainly for one thing. Money. Money isn't everything but you'd be stupid if you say it isn't a necessity. It is. I don't know who made it up and why but it's a necessity to find food, to find shelter, to find transportation and in some cases..to find more money to helpnus out in our daily lives.

I'd like to know the idiot who invented money. I'd like to know what hispurpose was to invent money, Where he got the idea and for what selfish reason he invented it. As the beatles would have said it "money can't buy me love" but it's still a necessity.

Random blurbs

The first thought that popped intoy head as I woke up this morning was my studies. How I wanted so much to finish my studies and how I wanted so badly to move out of bed without waking him..but alas I could not.

Now I've done my daily stuff and it's almost time for me to head off to bed once again. I like sleep. It's quiet and it's peaceful, sometimes you dream and sometimes you dont. I like the times that you don't dream. The times when your mind is just black and all I could hear when I was half asleep is his breathing and mine in sync. And all I saw was nothing...it gave me peace to see nothing, to feel nothing... And you know what's the beat feeling in the world? That moment just before you feel yourself fall into the deep sleep. That, to me, is the best feeling in the world.

Sometimes I stop myself from falling into that deep coma by forcing my eyes open just so I could close them and feel that feeling of falling all over again.



My last thought of the day before I head to bed would be..Hair. It's been an obsession of mine since I was young. Why? Because I never had nice hair. I could never keep up with all the hair fanatics of the world and I am one. I think...pretty hair and light makeup make a girl beautiful...hair...I wonder what I would do if I were bald?

I don't like it when he gets grumpy with me. I don't like it when the feelings of love fade for even a second when frustration takes it's place. I don't like it when...he's not happy. It literally makes me unhappy. It's these times I feel the distance between us is so vast even if we're just two rooms apart or even if we're standing iffy beside each other. I find it sad... And it hurts because there's only one thing that can make this better. Time. I can't do anything to make him feel better, the more I cover him with love, the bigger the distance grows.

I hate this kind of love. I hate people who say distance makes the heart grow fonder. In my opinion if you would much rather leave your significant other just to find that spark again, then that spark never would have lasted for a Long time anyway. Props to you guys though for trying and pushing or it to work. I admire that. I don't like that saying. I hate it.

Another saying I hate? "cheer up". Thanks for the sympathy. Am I that stupid that I don't know what I'm feeling or what I'll have to do? Just for that, I'll use that line on you too when someone you love passes away.

Growing up

“The hardest part about growing up is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something you’re not.”

Another little dispute yesterday about school. I might have the drive to keep it going when it comes to working out but Jen it comes to school j never have any drive. I hate school. I would much rather worky entire life then to have to go back to school. I also know there are people completely opposite of that. They would much rather go to school their entire lives than to have to work.

When it comes to work I haven't found a place that I enjoy working so much to stay yet..there are always good people there but I get bored of a place so easily it's not even funny how many jobs I would go through if I never went back to school.

I think I néed to get my shit together and work for this to happen. I couldve had so many wonderful things if I had finished. I couldve had so much time to play if I couldve had this . But no. I had to slack.

Speaking of time..I watched something yesterday that made me think more. One of the quotes fr te movie was "no matter where you are or who you're with, time will always run out.' and I think that woke me up a but cause my urge to finish school was back. No more messig around..it's time to get this stuff done.

Secrets

You may think it's small talk..but it means the world to me when you ask me how my day was